The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: A Captains Journey

Greetings from the deck of the Isabella.  I thought it time to sit down and put a few thoughts together and respond to questions that have been asked via emails and in person during this roller coaster journey we find ourselves passengers on.  This journey started four years ago when I found myself adrift in a world that was cold, unforgiving, and completely uncaring.  I decided at that point I would do everything I had in my limited power to change it. At first I almost gave in to my societal training and to just roll over, take it like an adult, lick my wounds and my pride and slink off into the night. What Power does one person have? And then I realized I was not alone out there.  There were thousands if not millions of us that were living on the exact same societal training. And I also realized the only person telling me I could not do anything in the world I wanted to do … was me.

So we formed this into a company not to get rich, not to just make a living, but to change how we looked at the world and to get a message out there and to stand up and say you are not alone. We can make a difference, and we can be proud of who and what we are no matter how different you chose to be.  If you can dream it, you can be it and do it! Little did we know where this journey was going to take us, a group of people were pulled together in a way to this day I am still in awe of. And off we went. More than once I heard “ Uh Capt where we going on this ride” My response was I honestly don’t know but you’ll know when we get there… Maybe.

In the title I said the good, the bad and the ugly, well hmmm… Let’s do this in reverse order so we end this on a good note. The Ugly.   We have lost people that we thought were family and good friends.   I personally have been called every name in the book and some I had never heard before. It has been said I am fake and don’t believe in what I say. The hard part is having to stand by and watch the people (My Crew) that truly have given everything up to fight this fight ,get attacked and trashed on for standing  with the crew and being made by others to chose between being ASI or being friends with those parties. I won’t type here what I have to say to those people.  I know my heart and that of my crew, and that is all that needs be said.

The bad.  Being on the road for weeks at a time, long, long hours and miles. Being tired to your very bones and core. The fear of making a bad decision or saying the wrong thing in a moment of exhaustion. And the biggest fear, letting the crew down or worse letting those out there down or not hearing a cry for help in the night from someone reaching out. These are just some of the things that can place fear in your heart and stop you in your tracks if you let them.  Have you crawling for the shadows.

The good. I have seen in four years people grow and stand up to start their journey. I have seen the smiles and the wonder in a thousand eyes looking back me. I have met and, if for just a very short time, been honored to be a part of someone’s life, even if it’s just a passing hello and thank you for listening or coming to my panels . It is receiving those emails that something you said gave a ray of hope to that one person that was sitting in a panel and having decided that this life is worth fighting for. The people we have met along the way with whom our paths may never cross again, but you carry a piece of them with you and of you with them.  Watching the members of this crew do and achieve things they never thought they could and seeing them truly smile after talking with someone out there.  I have watched the magic open up for people of all ages, and that is worth every single tear, heart ache, blood and scar I have received on this journey so far.

I have grown as a person in ways I did not even understand when we started this.   I have gained respect for those I love, both family and friends, that have truly taught me the meaning of those words. I have learned words are a very powerful tool and weapon, and that every single person out there is worth fighting for.  Sometimes you must give all you have and be willing to walk away and know you did your best to reach them. You are going to screw up and make mistakes.  It’s not the mistakes that make you who you are but how you react to it and what you learn from it. How you put those lessons in play.  A Captains Journey is one hell of a gut wrenching roller coaster ride that, well, I guess all you can do is put your hands up in the air and enjoy it.  And if  at the end of when and wherever that may be,  you can look back smile and say wow, show your scars and get ready for the next coaster to jump on. Where it goes…who the hell knows! The fun is getting there. Keeping looking at the horizon and NEVER EVER stop dreaming and asking what if!!